Russ: That'd be me. I answered an advertisement in a local paper placed by a small company looking for a website manager who possessed customer service skills. While I was intimately familiar with a variety of content management systems, I made it clear on my resume that I could not hard code. I thought I also made it clear during the interview. The day they hired me was when I learned that indeed, the website was pure HTML. The weekend prior to my start date, I taught myself as much basic HTML as I could manage. Somehow, I'm still here.
The Boss: President and owner of the company; a conservative-leaning man in his late sixties. Technologically illiterate, averse to conflict and confrontation with other men; blatant disrespect of women, an "old-fashioned good 'ol boy." A penchant for hiring ex-cons. Absolutely loves me and my ability to transfer pictures off his phone.
Junior: The boss's son and vice president of the company. A very unkempt and uncouth man in his mid-40s with a penchant for talking like Old Guy. Generally wears stained sweat shorts and a neon green t-shirt to work. Runs several side businesses, including one that transfers old VHS porn to DVD. Loves to introduce me to usually really shitty vintage punk and EDM music.
Young Junior: The boss's other son, younger than Junior, hence the name. Uses space in the warehouse for his own woodworking business. Shared passion for World of Warcraft but his work and family life keep him away from regular gaming for the most part. Stopped asking me to build a website for his own company after I put him off for a few months.
Old Guy: Involved somehow with a business that also rents some office space in the building. Must be in his early seventies. Hates Obama. Walks very slowly. Was rather standoffish towards me until I brought in donuts one morning.
Lazybro: Resident office drug addict/dealer. Bears the title of "manager" but never acts it. Most famously known for disappearing at all hours of the day for undetermined amounts of time, usually without telling anyone at the office. Used to wander into my office to chat about vaping, but has not in some time as I'm sure he's aware of how much I loathe him with every fiber of my being.
Adee: Hard-working, friendly maintenance technician. Would never guess by his demeanor that he served time for attempted murder. Now in his late 30s, has since turned his life around. One of the few decent people here. Often calls me "Mr. Russ."
Smiles: Hard-working maintenance technician with a tendency towards mood swings. Have not witnessed this individual eating food. Ever. Has a crush on Goss, finds reason to take several trips to her office per day. Likes me or hates me, depending on the day and time.
Swills: The other ex-con employed with our maintenance department. Currently required to submit a breathalyzer every night; brags at work about how he fools the system. Works when he feels like it, sometimes obviously drunk. Receives and enjoys slaps on the wrist. Tried to tell me about Jesus once.
Goss: The second-hardest working person here; a woman in her early 50s who tasks herself with keeping tabs on everyone else here, especially Lazybro. Takes it upon herself multiple times per day to keep me abreast of the latest developments. Smokes like a chimney and loves my sympathetic ear.
Tree: The hardest-working individual in the company. Technically a "secretary," she converts the most sales of anyone in the company, including Lazybro who's supposed to be top salesman. In her early 50s, recently divorced. No stranger to emotional outbursts. A tall lady. Once cornered me in my office and accused me of being a spy for the Boss.
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